


The (Edit) War for Ash's Freedom to be Ash

by Septentrion_Euchoreutes



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8203913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septentrion_Euchoreutes/pseuds/Septentrion_Euchoreutes
Summary: More of a review. A dark reflection of another story.





	

Title: **The (Edit) War for Ash's Freedom to be Ash**  
Category: Games » Pokémon  
Author: Septentrion Euchoreutes  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
Genre: Parody/General  
Published: 10-03-16, Updated: 10-03-16  
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,749

* * *

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

* * *

**Key**

_Stuff that's written_

**The Soapbox of Origin**

Beyond space and time, a place existed so grand that only the Great Creator could rightfully preside. His name was Arceus, and his was wiser than all things. The point is, his super smart and thus the best character to write the objective viewpoint.

Ever since the incident with the Jewel of Life, he has been behind in his work. His work was mainly organizing the universes of pokemon, known as fanfiction. It was difficult work, as people have been not using the tags properly. Arceus then picked out a fanfiction with AshXHarem as the main focus currently residing in the _Games Universe_ section. Also, he suspect that the "T" rating was being generous. Arceus sighed and head back to that dreaded area. He thought He could get a break from that section this afternoon. However, as He got closer to that part of the library, He realized He was not alone in this realm.

"No, this won't do. Ridiculous. That can't be…" said a male human.

"Ahem, you're not supposed to be here," Arceus said.

"Sorry, I just have to stop this all right now," the man said, "This genre has gotten out of hand. How does anyone believe this?" He had a gold bordered book on a table and evidently written a few pages.

"Then why are you in the Ash-ex-harem to begin with?" Arceus.

"What, no. It's all this Ash-betrayal. Why in the world would all his friend betray him?"

"Forced drama," Arceus.

"I mean, he's the Ash Ketchem! Why would anyone doubt him?" he said tossing a different book to the ground.

"What do you mean, the Ash Ketchum?"

"Arceus! He is the hero of freaking Pokemon. How could You of all pokemon forget that?"

"Yes, but his friends don't know that he's the protagonist of a children's show." Arceus pointed out. "This still seems like an odd place to be writing."

"Well, he still deserves a harem." the man said. "He saved the world about twenty times."

"Yes, as I said before, he's the protagonist of a children's show that's never suppose to stop going. You're a grown man so you must realize there are many serious narrative issues with the world being in danger so often where one person being in a geographically convenient place to save it every time."

"Well, that's not my fault. Ash saved the world twenty times and still hasn't won a league. He's a great trainer that deserves so much more. He doesn't even need super powerful pokemon. His on-the-fly tactics are brilliant as well."

Arceus looked at the page he was writing on. He quickly counted 21 species of pokemon in the care of Ash on this page. "Out of curiosity, how many pokemon does Ash have with him now?"

""Eight-three. I wanted him to rescue a dratini, but other than that, I'm very strict about him only having his past pokemon. Are you just going to be looking over my shoulder while I show the entire fandom how this is done?"

"No, I have a much better way of doing this."

As if a sparkler was lit above them, a blue light appeared and split. Two pillars were being creating in their wake as a scene materialized: an ocean with an islands.

"I don't recognize this island," Arceus said.

"It's an isolated tropical island with overleveled pokemon. Ash is going to train here for the next three years and be super powerful."

Ash's pokemon were working together to build a house.

Arceus looked deeply into the portal, "What a nice sight of cooperation and friendship, but what about the extinction coming in two weeks?"

The human stopped writing. "I hadn't plan any such event, but I'm sure Ash will be there to stop it."

"Ash is the reason, or more specifically, the fifty or so predatory pokemon he introduced to the island."

"This isn't' some grimdark over dramatic story. They eat berries that grow on trees," the man said.

Arceus stepped away from the portal. "So they starve instead of get eaten. You can't actually save an ecosystem through the power of friendship."

"It's T-rated," the author said.

"Teenagers know about the food chain."

The author wrote a couple of sentences a bit harder than the rest of his writing. " _There's enough food for everyone_ , okay."

"Why have so many pokemon? No one other world champion needed even more than a few replacements."

"Ash is just that awesome of a trainer."

"So he's basically a god. Even if he worked sixteen hours a day, That's only about ten minutes per pokemon. All his opponents will have two hours a day, and many of his tournament adversaries will have been at this for years more, even decades more."

"You can't have a epic Ash story without him having most of his old pokemon."

"That's like saying you can't have a serious Ash story without betrayal."

"Yes, but I don't ignore canon."

"Your fanfiction isn't cannon," Arceus said. "Attention to detail is important, but remember lightning armor?"

"Of course I remember lightning armor. I've watched every episode."

The portal was zoomed in on the house. Something was off about it though.

"I thought this was supposed to be a harem story." Arceus said. "And I do not see a single woman."

"They just haven't arrived. Don't worry, it's not a crazy harem. I want this to be a realistic harem. It's only going to be the right girls."

Arceus had so much disbelieve that he didn't even bother to entertain this notion with a metaphoric raised eyebrow. "Ash hasn't show that much chemistry with women throughout the entire series."

The portal started flashing as night and day rapidly interchanged. A timeskip was happening. Cut to Misty.

"You know, I really missed Ash," said the redhead. She quickly faded away and was replaced by May looking longingly out a window.

Arceus turned. "So, you're going with the most common harem."

"We, yeah. It's the most realistic and objectively the best. I'm tired of people going crazy with choices like Helda and Cynthia. Or even Dianthia. It's just because of an oppia fetish." He said the Japanese word for breasts with great disdain. Those women weren't busty as in the typically usage of that word, they were merely older than twelve.

"You know, it's considered a preferable trope in adult stories to sexually explore characters that are... sufficiently post-pubescent, as opposed to completely prepubescent." Arceus then glanced at the portal in time to see Iris. "And what makes Iris better than Hilda?"

The man was taken aback. "Are you kidding me? How could You make such an arrogant oversight? Helda isn't even an anime character. You realize Ash has never met Hilda, he never will?" He laughed. "You made the ultimate foolish mistake by trying to challenge my superior intellect."

Two ghostly arms extended out from infinity so Arceus could double facepalm. "One: fanfiction. Two: precedence with characters like N and Lyra."

"So, at least Iris traveled with Ash," the human said. "Strong bond. Adventures. Strong bond. All my work has already been done. All I need is another timeskip of one year, and then eighteen months." Through the portal, five girls were all on the island: Misty, May, Dawn, Iris, and Serena.

The man began writing furiously. "Yes, one year of them being there non-romantically, and then a eighteen month honeymoon."

"How is this rated T?"

The man wrote as he spoke " _And then he goes to the world tournament with five wedding rings._ "

Arceus stepped back. "but honeymoon? Wouldn't training be necessary?"

"His pokemon can train themselves after a certain point."

"Wouldn't other take advantage of this type of training?"

"No, because it takes someone of Ash's skill level for that type of training."

Arceus had trouble finding words. "But the he has five girlfriends, or wives, whatever. Much like Pokemon, girlfriends take work. A girlfirend takes a lot of work."

"That's what the non-romantic year was for. They became open-minded."

"But, a lot more is needed than open-mindedness for relationships to work."

"Don't worry. It's all predestined, so it's a double serving of being realistic."

"But, still, a five-fold honeymoon can never compare to strenuous training that every person participating went through."

The man showed Arceus the cover of his gold-trimmed book, pointed to a word. _Smart!Ash_

"Okay then, this I got to see." Arceus said.

Ash's first tournament battle was a tough one. It was rather tedious going through the first ten pokemon as Arceus quickly realized that only the end of battles actually barely matter in the long run. It wasn't that it was a badly written battle and Ash's victory seemed well earn. But then his raised an eyebrow with the last set-up.

Ash's servine went up against a braviary. It would have been reasonable for Ash to be on more equal or even superior setting. It was still raining from an overextended raindance, so maybe that had sometime to do with the man's plan.

Ash's opponent spoke. "Looks like you didn't plan this battle out like a professional. Your tactics are amazing, but your strategy lead you to this situation."

Ash smugly looked back. "But I have the advantage. In case you haven't realized, I have a grass type. All my servine's weaknesses are SEALED!"

"What," said the opponent.

"What!?," Said Arceus.

The author merely smiled.

Ash continued. "Rain as an perfect match for grass types as all of grass's weaknesses are thwarted by rain. Rain is made of water which doses fire. Poison is diluted. Ice is bound to objects as it makes contact with freezing waters, and wings become useless as they sponge up water!"

The braviary tackled servine at full speed.

"What?!" said the author.

"Birds can fly just fine in rain," Arceus explained. "I don't know what you've been smoking."

"But, the wing are damp! Do you see birds flying in rain?"

"Yes. I also see mammals walk in rain as well."

"Yes birds do it less in the rain though."

"So do people," Arceus said.

"But, Ash gave an awesome speech about it. Can't you just let me do what I want with my story."

"Fine, I'll change the rules of the universe if you request."

"You just need to turn off your brain. Ash can't lose his first battle. That just doesn't happen. Slow down that bird now!"

Servine dodged the next attack and vine whipped the braviary's legs. The bird pokemon couldn't flap its wings fast enough and fell to the ground. A leaf tornado hit is and it was over.

"Yes," said the author. "That was an awesome battle."

Ash walked off but then fell over. A snapping sound happened around his body.

"Huh," said the author.

THe announce of the battle voice explained. "It appears that Ash, the winner of the battle attempted to walk in the rain and fell over. He may be seriously injured. Medics are heading out in protective gear."

"What the fuck!" the author said.

"His limbs were damp. It's your universe's rule."

"That's the most imbecilic thing I've ever hear. He isn't a bird. Bird. People! Bird! People! Hair! Feathers!"

Arceus's voice boomed. "Non water insulating evolutionary adaptation, Water insulating evolutionary adaptation!"

"No, it was only supposed to seal grass type weaknesses. Ash gave a smart speech. You think about it too much."

"Rain blocks sunlight, destroys soils and uproot plants, greatly reduces temperature protection against ice, and allows poison to seep in more easily."

"Yeah, but Ash's speech was first."

"Sounding smart isn't a license to change reality. You've made a joke out of a monumental task. You've given a character eighty extra Pokemon, five huge distractions in the form of underage wives, and expect everyone else who take it seriously to lose against your power fantasy? And what will Ash even gain from this tournament?"

"A title!" the man said.

"Why is it important that your character needs a title. He has five wives and a world that revolves around him. Does your ego need to be stroked that much."

"The world does not revolve around him."

"'Ash can't lose his first battle. That just doesn't happen.' Your words."

"So."

"Half of all people lose their first battle. You can't conceptualize a world that doesn't revolve around a person. You even refuse to let go the world saving narratives made for children. There is much to explore outside of Ash getting a title."

"This is the anime world, not the game world. Of course I have to focus on Ash's journey."

"There's still an entire world of pokemon with many things to explore outside of Ash. Injecting harems, like injecting betrayals, means it's not Ash's story, but a story an imposter in Ash's body. Maybe if a lot more work was done to make it work working off of Ash's character. More needs to be done with girls than just using their proximity as justification. You might as well start from scratch, either with Ash, or maybe a more suitable character."

With the scene of Ash being carried off into an ambulance, the portal changes to glass and the scene shifted to something else.

"Here's a real story of interest where Ash would never fit. It explore untapped aspects of the pokemon world, such as a powerful Team Rocket.

Through the lens was a volcano path with a brown-hair unshaven muscular trainer running down to a save. A meteor feel across the sky causing an earthquake. The trainer nearly lost his balance, be a cave-in block the cave and he had nowhere to escape.

Forty Team Rocket members appeared on the caldera the volcano and pointed their guns at the trainer. The trainer put his hands up.

Mewvanni hovered up holding two pokeballs. "You've killed many of my men, but it isn't enough that I kill you." Mewvanni threw the pokeballs and out came two furry girls. "You must kill one of your pokemon to save the other."

"Grunt number 1227, throw him your nine millimeter." The grunt complied and tossed his extra firearm.

The human by Arceus spoke up. "Isn't this a bit excessive."

Arceus replied, "It's called author appeal."

The white haired furry spoke. "Bimbo Chan is sowwy. Don't shoot Love Intewwestchan."

The other furry spoke "It has to be me. I don't have anyone, but Bimbo Chan has you."

The trainer pick up the gun. "Love Interest Chan, I…" The trainer struggled and couldn't commit himself to a decision. The lava was rising so the three of them and the grunts would all be toast.

"Choose now!" Mewvanni said.

The trainer put the gun to his temples and fired a bullet into his own skull. The Glass lens then showed the ceiling of an hospital with Bimbo Chan and Love Interest Chan look downwards.

"Bullshit! I mean Taurosshit!" said the human observer. There is only one result that could have came from that.

"What? He was in a coma for nearly an entire week! Besides, he only had one badge."

"How did that even happen? How did they actually escape with.. with... with..."

"I the one doing the criticizing here"! Arceus bellowed. "I now banish you to Equestria!"

"What, My Little Pony. Why?"

"Because referential humor is the best humor!"

**I didn't want to do another of these stories, but then someone had to be all simultaneously indulgent and pretentious about a damn Ash Harem. Also, I do exaggerate a little bit.  
**

**Notes:**

Original My Little Pony reference was out of place due to moved, not pandered.

Original Water Vapor much has been lefted unexplained. I don't know much about it's reference but it still seems


End file.
